It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
