I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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