Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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