I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
