so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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