Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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