i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize