I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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