yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
