I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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