Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
