She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
