i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
