life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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