So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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