SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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