He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
