No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i've created a new STD.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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