i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
