im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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