the condom got lost in my hair
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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