Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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