All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize