He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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