Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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