it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
im on a boat
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