i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
