Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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