I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
