Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
