i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
