everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
