Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
