i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
