Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
