It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
