I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
