guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just invented taco cereal.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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