Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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