I just saw a hot homeless man
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
