i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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