her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
