dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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