Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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