I think i sorta joined a cult last night
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
