She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
