as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
