It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
