then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
