i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
