my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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