I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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