We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
