OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
