I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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