Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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