Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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