Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
