I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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