go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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