So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
