the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
