Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
