Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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