He told me they were just razor bumps!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
