Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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