Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
