I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pants are for mortals
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
