We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
