i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
and you fell through a lawn chair
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
