so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
