i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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