There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
