So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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